How to Deal with Death, Loss, Grief & Misfortune. No One Dies of a Broken Heart. Everything Heals even the Soul.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming, grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” – Washington Irving

Oakhill Cemetery
Mama visiting Ron’s grave last February 22, 2018 which was also his death anniversary.

Memorial day has just passed and All Souls day is still way off but I have the urge to somehow share my thoughts on grief and walking your way through and above it. I have a couple of misfortunes in my life that tested my sanity and will-power, but most of all coming out of it with a stronger faith in God. It is a journey that I did not do alone, that is for sure. I believe that in order for us to thrive we need others. However, before others can meld with us and flow into the unknown, we as individual must already have a strong foundation on what we believe in (INTEGRITY) and the simple and  most basic yet often saves us and that is of knowing the difference between what is right and what is wrong (VIRTUE). We need a strong backbone that can withstand all catastrophe life may throw our way without destroying others in the process.

It all starts with family, the love that emanates from our home is our building block as we go into the world to grow more relationships. It prepares us as we venture out from the comfort of home and into the unknown. There is no right or perfect formula of how love is taught and given  to us that can save us from unsuccessful ventures or failed relationships. However, it is in how we deal with the tragedy that is telling of who we are and what we are made of.  I have always believe to see the good in people and in every situation. A life lived with good intentions gives you peace of mind and very fulfilling when the goodness you extend to others resulted growth that made everyone better.

Presence of God in our life for both our emotional and spiritual growth. My relationship with God is deeply rooted and well cultivated as i grew up. I am a Catholic and a Filipino, and if you knew anyone like me very well you will agree that it is important for us that our relationship with God is our greatest source of strength to go through our daily life and how we treat each human kind. In both Catholic schools that I went to, from 1st Grade until I graduated in college this is what was instilled in me, “to be men and women for others, all for the greater glory of God (Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam).  To be men and women for others means being of service to another without expecting anything in return but with the intention of helping to improve or betterment of someone’s life.  I know that now a days every thing has a price or so it seems. I’ve encountered a couple of instances in my life that there are indeed people who does good things but with conditions. I do not and well not judge them. No matter how goodness is extended, you must remember that everything you have right now is borrowed. You don’t own anything in this world. All can be taken away from you in a blink of an eye.

Let me tell you two major tragedy in my life. First, 6 years ago my husband died 11 days after being reunited and before that we’re apart for 8 years. No words will ever be enough to describe what I went through. Broken heart, broken dreams. In fact I was not just broken I was in pieces so much worst than Humpty Dumpty that I thought I will never be put together again. In a nutshell, I felt like I have died too. Second, I have lost everything I had to a fire incident 2 years ago. It is not as destructive as the first one and at least no life was lost but still, it shocked me to my core. I believe nothing will ever beat the first tragedy unless I fall deeply in love again and dies on me that will just be so devastating. Most of the time, these tragedy makes you ask to the heavens “what did I ever do to deserve this? have i been such a bad person? has God abandoned me?” And that what makes us human. We don’t have all the answers, but with unwavering faith God will see us through. No matter how a good person he/she will not be spared from these life destroying, heart breaking incidences. Like I said there is no right formula to avoid misfortune. However, in both these tragedy God made himself more present than I can ever imagine. I saw him in the people who took care of me in the worst of times and great loss. A perfect example of being men and women for others. I will not be ashamed to admit that during those times of my life, I was a charity case. I have never felt so humbled and so small in my life and yet love was flowing not just in trickles but in waves.

These losses in my life made me realized we don’t own anything in this world and there can really be a time we can be  stripped off everything we have but with God we will overcome the overwhelming sadness and adversity. It also taught me to be kinder, enjoy the simple things, be content with what I have, more grateful for being alive and being love, generous and selfless. Mind you I am not a rich person but somehow blessings comes to me through hard work and maybe luck. But I never forget to pay it forward most especially to those I hold dear in my heart. When our hands are always open to give to others, blessings comes in ways you don’t expect them to be. Maybe sometimes not what you hoped for but it always is better and so much more.

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.  – Wayne Dyer

Again. No matter how good you are there is no guarantee you will be spared of the bad things or bad people. Continue to do good anyway. By focusing and magnifying the good around us and the love that embraces us genuinely, we will be healed and saved.  During the times i was grieving i had this tendency to act brave and strong in front of others. Only because I don’t like to be pitied but most of all I have to be strong for those who are equally  in so much grief as I am or maybe even worst than I was. You have to remember that when  someone dies you are not the only one who got left behind there are others whose hearts are breaking as well.  No one can really know how much pain a person carries in his/her heart. But life does goes on around us and so should you.

Small gestures and well meaning sympathies were very much a source of strength and healing. Hugs, listening ears, prayers, gifts to make me feel loved, stories that were funny and inspiring to make me smile, and simply just by being there for me helped me to the road of recovery, be on my feet and eventually sprinting and hopping with so much life again. I have so much to be thankful for and so many people to be grateful for giving me unconditional love especially for the times I was most unlovable. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here writing this long post in the hope of inspiring others and give hope that human kindness is still alive and that love lives around us and will be around longer than you can ever live.

Each person though has her own unique ways of dealing with these tragedies. If you have something good and helpful to share that may benefit the readers you are welcome to do so. Thank you for your time and the willingness to be open and learn. Live a happy content life.

i remain,

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