Hideaway… Found a Way!

Where do you go?
That was the question that I always ask myself typically in times when I am faced with a dilemma. I escape when I can no longer handle a situation; if I can’t break-out I am like a dead-man walking. I am there but I’m not. More often than not I meander to places that can give me that sense of serenity or run to those people who can just be there without pressing me a question of “why are you here? What’s wrong?” A person who just knows how to be there comfortably even in silence. Who understands, that the right time to talk is when I am ready.
In those times when my heart was broken my sanctuary was the seashore. I just sit there in silence, watched the sea, listened to the waves, puffed a cigarette, chug a beer and then get teary-eyed. But I never cry instead the clouds always seem to cry on my behalf, (it always rains when there is a sad episode in my life). For a moment I will let the pain crush my heart ‘til its frayed then I let it go. In that solitary moment when other people think you’re lonely for being alone for me I am not. For in those solitary moment is the time I get to have the biggest and most comforting hug. God’s Love.
Bukidnon was a place I will always call my 2nd home. Here is where I start to build real relationships outside my own family circle. Many times in the past when I feel that everything around me was bringing me down this is the place where I would flee. I could choose to stay with a friend or check-in on a hotel and even one time go on a solo retreat. For me it was the safest place and I feel I am close to God when I go here… It was so much easier to hear Him when you are away from the noise that drowns you to depression and sin. I met not just interesting people but real people. One of them was Ate Flor, I do miss her terribly. I have not met anyone like her and I know she will never be replaced. She taught me how to respect a person’s choice even if it meant not including me in his/her life. Someday they will realize how valuable you are, in the mean time allow them and give them the freedom to discover that. While you move on and live life without expectations, wouldn’t it be better when life will just give you surprises once in awhile. And I mean surprises that really warm the heart and make you smile or jump for joy like you just won the lottery. She told me that forgiveness is better than getting back and getting even. To quote Dick Armey, “You can’t get ahead while you are getting even.” I am not really a vindictive person, I never was not until recently but that would be in another story. One thing I learned though when you get too attached to someone you start to think you know them very well then BOOM! You realize you don’t. Probably for a various reason that these things happen, the thing to do is to think of something positive out of that incident. When a door closes, there is something else that opens. Ate Flor knew that I was the kind of person who seeks for appreciation yet I too fall short in showing my own gratitude towards others particularly those I love. That one for me is a work in progress and I am trying as best as I could to get there soon.
Being in the Big City, it’s hard to be still and be silent. Too much going on, too many information to decipher, a diverse people to get by, your own personal glitches and it even becomes harder when you listen to the wrong person or the wrong ideas that the person may feed. It does get too overwhelming for a time that it really takes one rock-solid stable person to keep going and live on with the principles he/she believes in. And even though I am far-away from places where nature is at its best and makes me feel close to God, I have found my own haven where I can escape when situations start to pierce my soul. I pray. If I can’t handle it, God will. Who else can I entrust my life? Jesus take the wheel. =)

2 thoughts on “Hideaway… Found a Way!

  1. Hi. we met sometime thru a common friend, robert. not sure if you remember me but you did add me to your friendster list.anyway, that part you write about respecting another's person decision to exclude you in his or her life, i can totally identify. but understanding it and even accepting it doesn't lessen the pain…but it's true though that you only have to retreat to where God is(in my case, i locked myself in the bathroom and just sat on the floor for the longest time) and somehow you find peace…and strength to take it one moment at a time.

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  2. To Anonymous ~Yes I do remember you. :)It doesn't mean that when you understand and accept it the pain goes away like a snap. It takes time to heal. And it's a different thing when you allow yourself to be hurt over and over. It is a choice when you want the pain to end. No one can hurt you if you won't allow them. But more than anyhting else… lay everything in God's hand, one day everything will be clear what's best for you. 🙂 Cheer up!

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