Today the sun shines brightly after days of rain and mud. A fine day to go outside let the sun kiss my skin. I went to our backyard and there I found our hammock which I gave to my father when he retired years back. This is where my father would usually spend most of his time when he’s not doing any activities during the day. I figure this is where he finds solace and moments of peace.
I went and lay myself on the hammock, swung it. I felt like a baby being rocked to sleep, no worries I am safe in the arms of the wind. I looked up and above me is the shade from the mango tree. Good thing there’s no fruit yet it might fell right into my face. Not just a face but lovely face. (lol) Kidding aside, I remembered this mango tree was already here before we even transferred into this house ages ago. I believed this tree has witnessed how I have grown from a silly, clueless little girl to a woman who now seems to feel the weight of the world is on her shoulder but continues to fight the battle of life, to have meaning in my existence. As Paulo Coelho puts it, “Go in search of your Gift. The more you understand yourself, the more you understand the world.” When we have come to know our purpose that’s when life spins faster towards the end. I guess I still have a long way ahead of me to learn before I can get acquainted face to face with my purpose.
The song Scarborough Fair is playing in my mp3 player and the line “parsley, sage rosemary and thyme…she once was a true love of mine” was the one that got stuck on my mind. Aren’t those ingredients of a recipe? How come it has something to do with someone’s true love? The song whose writer is not known was originally a folk song from medieval England (trivia). The song is about a man who was jilted by the woman he loves and he wanted his true love to do some impossible task and when she’s done she would come back and ask for his hand. Quite unusual I must say, for back in the old days not only here in the Philippines but even in medieval times a woman is not suppose to pursue a man. But as what the rest of the lyric says he wanted his true love to do something impossible. Now about the four ingredients, honestly when I will hear that song before when I was so much younger and didn’t know the lyrics I thought he was singing about food. (lol) Those four herbs symbolize the virtue that the man wishes for his true love and himself to have in order to make it possible for her to come back. Parsley was said to take away the bitterness. Sage has been known to symbolize strength for thousands of years. Rosemary represents faithfulness, love and remembrance. It also stands for sensibility and prudence. It is associated with feminine love, because it’s very strong and tough, although it grows slowly. Thyme symbolizes courage. Now I understand why these herbs are mentioned in this song. He wishes his true love mildness to soothe the bitterness which is between them, strength to stand firm in the time of their being apart from each other, faithfulness to stay with him during this period of loneliness and paradoxically courage to fulfill her impossible tasks and to come back to him by the time she can.
Just a few nights ago, I told the love of my life who is a million miles away from me that he should celebrate his birthday even if I am not around and celebrate it with the people surrounding him at the moment… his family, his friends, workmates, patients and everyone else who fills in for me while I am not there at the moment. Thanking them that they make him feel important and for sharing the laughter and smiles for those days that I can’t. It was actually painful for me to say it because for a fact, anyone who is in my shoes would want to be the one who makes the love of her life happy at all times. It’s painful to think that I can not do that everyday, every hour, every minute. Although he told me that nobody makes him feel happy as much as I do to him even with the distance. The more I cried inside because I can not show how much I appreciate everything about him. Not on a digital device, it is so difficult to be in my shoes. But I have never given up and I never will. Love and Faith is all I have and they are so much alive because God himself tied the knot on us. I trust and I believe… one fine day I will make him smile when he wakes up and see me beside him and that will go on for as long as the sun keeps on rising.
I lay still in the swaying hammock staring at the branches and leaves above me. The clouds in the sky are peeking behind it. As if they were saying “come & play with us!” I imagine myself flying and far away from all the pain that growing up has allowed me to go through. How the wind caressed me like I am the most precious creation God has made. The clouds smile to see me happy and carefree like a little child. One fine day God has rocked me in his hammock like a child and how I felt his love.